Having a bit of a Wonderful Life moment…

Shadows in light

at a distance

lay reverie

beneath briny waters

out of reach

a million miles

virtually fingered

intrinsic worth

deemed value

allocated by others

weight of assets

diligence’s recompense

lilliputian fragments

fettered needs

at feet lie

no hands to clutch

daggered, daggered heart

Having a bit of a Wonderful Life moment here… if you need some context, read my blog on Depression (http://wp.me/p18Co7-2g)

Tis the season I adore.  Not in any devotional fashion, nor in gift-giving; but tis a joy to thoroughly enwrap myself in the snug emotionalism of the season.  I was raised in the catholic decorum with all the spiritual aspects, and the carols of course.  While even in this starless night, such religiosity finds no validity for me; yet still, how those carols warm my heart.  To hear a singular voice belt out O Holy Night brings tears to my eyes, every time.

All around me, excited children, parents stressed but still, happy in their child’s joy.  Oh to feel well and good.  Oh to feel happiness… oh so silly to find expression of my sorrow in such a way.  Hamlet upon the boards, arm outstretched… silly silly…

The reason for the melodramatics is that yesterday there was hope and happiness.  

I’ll start with last week.  Had a great interview for a fantastic job.  Then the day before last a short interview to discuss salary, and it looked so positive!  Then last night the call came, would I get it?  Or not?

Not. 

As I was informed that it wasn’t about me my heart sank.  Not just that I didn’t get it, but it sank for my wife who has held up everything for so very long, too long.  Far too long.  My heart fractured to see her face fall into tears.

Things have been tight, now, well now, far worse it’ll be.  No point in holding a grudge against those who interviewed me, I know they have to do what’s best for their situation.  That’s not going to give me any comfort.

So, still here, on Christmas eve I scan the multitude of job boards and send off my resume in hope… funny… maybe hope is there yet…

© by DC Lessoway

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