cloud-july9-2016

Recently, I was laid off.

A shock of course, I was deeply invested in the position. It was a position of leadership and working not only with a staff, but also for a community. Quite a fulfilling job. No ill will finds my heart and while the loss left me emotional fragile, I will bootstrap and move on. As I’ve done in the past and will do again in the future.

The greatest heartbreak has been to leave behind the great people I worked with, we were a family, the loss of which is causing me deep grief.

It’s amazing how connected the self-esteem is to a job. Feelings of inadequacy, mixed with fear of not finding another position finds me often. But again, keep moving forward, keep shoving aside those dark notions and stay in the light, keep at it!

dark night of the soul
loss, termination, dissolution
gathers cynic’s row
to bestow their venom
break the spirit
dice, shred esteem
leaving one to reap
fragments of self
a patchwork of
anima + animus
bleeding ego and id
seeking
truth to self

oct-22-2016-sol-eye

does Sol’s eye lay bare
truths buried, truths denied
truths fraught with razor wire
guarded on all sides by a
damaged juvenescence in
wont to stand aside during
adversity, calamity, injury, allowing
aged, seasoned, stinging trauma
rise to the skin, firing
nerve endings, twitching fingers
projecting fogged memories
in the skull, imprinting, again
again, hurt upon hurt

photo and poem © by DC Lessoway

fog-people-jan-25-2014

what is this nonsense, flittering
around my skull, scrawling
angry missives, knifing into
my heart’s wall

what is this brutal woe
commanding a tempest
casting distant any joy
any hint of sun’s candied blush

why does it hang around, why
can’t I shake the claws sunk
into my soul, my being
grounding me, deep

photo and poem © by DC Lessoway

 

the hardest notion
is to see another’s pain, be
witness to tears rise, then
fall, spattering a dusty floor, till
a loam forms, holding true
daggers of enriched grief

to bear witness to character’s
hard hammer upon a majestic kindness
shattering old touchstones, transmute
the soft, malleable truths into unyielding
grief

Love vs grief vs joy vs bliss as I sit here dredging my soul for words
comes the upwell from my heart to salt my cheeks
all in mining sediment for sentiments conveying my truth
expressing profound love of my wife, her forever changing my life
joy of treading streets Paris, Rome, Venice or beaches of Maui
bliss of our wedding to the everyday kiss and touch, the flame of passion
then comes ache, sorrow, shock in the loss of parents, friends, an old school-mate
loss comes to us all, we must face it, or a brutal volcano we’ll become
to delve into a fictional character’s live, seeking his/her truth is to
find my own being within the crushing humanity we must endure